Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
