The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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