I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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