so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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