If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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