OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
