2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
