I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
