on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
