I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
