He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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