I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
