you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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