I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
