Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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