Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
