I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
