I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
