we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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