You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
