Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You are a genius and a whore.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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