also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
