I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
