Fine. I'll sleep in my office
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize