i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
