just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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