I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Use "feeling words"
Yay
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
