I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Four minutes until I can fart!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
