I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
