I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
