I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
