Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
