dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
