He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
