You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
