Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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