I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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