i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She's the barista slut.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
