omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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