i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
