I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its about making memories worth repressing
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
