Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
