But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
