i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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