I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
