batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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