only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
