My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
