Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
