So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
