idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
