I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
