so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
