I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
