I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
