Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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