and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize