wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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