Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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