Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
