A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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