Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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