sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize