In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize