Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
