btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
