i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
