There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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