Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
