Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
