This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize